glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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