look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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