God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
