did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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