White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
