So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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