genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
