I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
