Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
