I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
