You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
