we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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