I wish I could punch you in the face.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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