First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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