It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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