I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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