I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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