He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
