hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
