At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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