did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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