RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
