That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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