just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
