Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
