I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
