i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
