I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
soo... how was my night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
