Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
