3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so that wasnt chicken after all
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize