Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
