So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
