You just made me feel so damn special
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
