I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
