all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
