sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
