Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
