I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
