Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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