I heard we made out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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