yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
