Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Boobs speak an international language.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
