Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
