Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
