Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
