Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
