Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
