I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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