She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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