let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he thought i was a dude.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
