He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its not stalking. its research.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
