Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
