I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
