I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
