He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
