Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
