I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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