I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
