get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
