Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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