I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
