Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
