maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
