We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
