my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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