It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
