Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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