Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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