i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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