I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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