Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
