I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
